A lot has changed in my life since we finished season one. Many of the things I’ve been waiting patiently for have finally started happening, but I’ve been holding back from sharing any of it with you. I’ve needed so much external validation before I share it — I want it to feel like it’s actually my reality for a couple of months first. Or maybe I just need certain factors to solidify that this thing is really true for me.
I’ve been really wary these past several months about even talking to my own family and friends about my goals. I see this pattern so often. If I speak a goal or an ambition of mine out loud too many times to somebody else, it sometimes just doesn’t happen. Sometimes it does, but I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I think some of my motivation and drive comes from the surprise of it all. Finishing a script, starting a new company, or completing an art project feels powerful when I keep it to myself until I can showcase it.
Another annoying habit I’ve noticed is that my creative projects turn out better when I don’t tell people. I finish them faster, I pour more into them, and I feel more eager to make them the best they can be, so I can finally share the finished version and talk about it with real excitement.
Because of all this, many things in my life have changed, progressed, and moved forward in ways I never quite expected. I’ve stayed quiet about them because I wanted everything to feel true. I wanted it to be real, and I wanted it to be completely mine.
I’m still hesitant to share how close I am to the next stage with my short film script, but I will. I’m in the middle of conversations with people about its potential—different creative houses, industry folks I’ve already met, and others I’m working to meet. I can’t share too many details yet, but these conversations have been genuinely exciting. It feels like I’m back in my startup days, pitching all over again—talking through the story and the real impact it could have on society and the people who experience it. This is a story I believe is incredibly important to share right now, and I’ve been safeguarding it more than anything else because I’m so motivated to make it exceptional and get this narrative out there!
I’ve also been a bit quiet about the other important things that have progressed in my life, the projects I’ve been working on, the goals I’ve been trying to achieve, slowly I will tell you everything. I promise.
So, um, to make a transition here… if you haven’t noticed already, sometimes I have boundary issues. Well, it’s really only once you’re in my inner circle. I will tell you anything and everything about myself. I’ll pee with the door open. Given this, I am picky, and I heavily vet my friends before they become friends. So it’s not just anybody that hears my stream from down the hall because I didn’t want to stop mid-conversation just because I had to pee… I’ll just leave the door open and continue chatting with you like normal.
Duh.
Society often tells us women not to share anything bad about who we are, what we’ve been through, or the messy parts of past relationships with potential romantic partners. We’re supposed to leave all of that out completely so it doesn’t get foreshadowed or repeated.
Several months ago, I made a new friend. We started hanging out all the time, and really hit it off. We met up at coffee shops to work together. We stayed up late into the night on our computers, each doing our own thing, simply enjoying each other’s company. Before long, he had entered my inner circle. I was peeing with the door open, and he knew everything — the good and the bad about my past and my current life. He had crossed that bridge. Then we kept hanging out more and more until I started seeing him as a potential. But I didn’t know how to make that step.
A big part of me kept listening to all the societal advice that says if he already knows about those things, he can’t be someone worth romantically pursuing. I pushed back hard in my own mind and built up many walls. Some of the specific bad parts he learned were everything I discussed with you last season — how my career hit the fan, how I had to go to court and protect myself from dangerous people. That alone is a lot.
Then, as he became even deeper in my inner circle, he learned about my last boyfriend. I dated him for almost two years. This isn’t something I’ve shared online before, but the entire relationship was serious. We were early in our mid-20s, and we had plans to be engaged right before we both turned 30. He was the first person I ever saw myself wanting to marry.
After about two years, he sat me down. He was a very wealthy guy — I’m only sharing this for background information. He put his hand on my knee and reminded me of how dead set he was on me being his wife, but that he hadn’t been completely honest. He said he wanted me “to be too in love with him to say no,” and that the whole time he had been looking for another woman who was as worthy as I of being his wife. He then says that he had finally found her, and that he wanted me to meet her the next day.
I was in utter shock. I wasn’t living in Utah, he wasn’t Mormon, so this isn’t something you look out for or are even paranoid of, like cheating would be. At first, I didn’t know what to say. Then I just wanted to ask why — why do you think you get to do this? Why do you think you can have this? Just… why? After a few minutes, I realized there was no getting through to him. His mind was made up, and my thoughts didn’t matter to him. So I stopped asking questions. I closed my mouth, and we fell asleep — well, he did.
I laid awake for about an hour and a half until I knew he was deeply asleep. I went into the bathroom first, blocked him on everything, deleted his number, deleted my access to his front door, and then I walked right out the front door, locking it behind me. That was the end of my last relationship.
So, my new friend? He knew all of that, plus some other fun things — the good and all the bad — because sometimes I just get chatty and I can’t shut up.
We had developed such a strong friendship before anything romantic even started, that I eventually learned to break those walls down because the advice isn’t always true. Someone unhealthy or unstable or simply not meant for me would see all the bad parts of me and everything I’ve been through, then consciously or subconsciously repeat those patterns. But somebody that’s good, stable, and meant for me… wouldn’t.
In the past several months, I’ve been waiting to share any of this because I needed it to feel true. I needed it to be mine and to exist as my reality before I said it out loud. But I have been shown — by the world, by him, and by all of you who listen while I overshare every single week — that my good traits, my bad traits, my quirky traits, and every good and bad thing that has happened to me, because of me, at me, or around me should have no negative influence on the right people. If any of it does influence them in the wrong way, consciously or subconsciously, then they simply aren’t the right people.
It has been so refreshing to grow in a relationship that started as a genuine friendship. It feels good to grow alongside all of you, too, and to keep learning that the right people will stick by you no matter how good or how bad things get. None of it changes the way they treat you.
So, might I finally share? Sheridan the Great has found herself a great boyfriend.
I have also found meaningful projects, solid friends, and I’m slowly building a great life. Through all of this, I’m building what feels like normal for the first time, because I have never really had normal. I have been a loner, a ‘loser’, and a workaholic for most of my life. Building this life — not rebuilding, but truly building it — has reminded me that I’m on a steep learning curve. I’ve caught myself being over-forgiving when I make mistakes with small talk or figuring out how to navigate adult friendships and life in general. I’m not used to being in a relationship with someone who wants to make me breakfast. I’ve never had someone make my toast before.
When he asked me how I liked my eggs and toast in the morning, my mind completely shut down, and I started panicking. I don’t know these things. I don’t know how to allow people to do these kinds of things for me.
Going to a restaurant and picking something off the menu feels very different. Which reminds me of my Italian sandwich dilemma.
I have no idea what’s actually on an Italian sandwich, and there are only two sandwich shops I will go to because I know I can just say “Italian sandwich,” and they will give me exactly what I want.
About a year ago, I was with a friend who wanted to go to a different sandwich shop than my normal two selections. They assured me I could order an Italian sandwich there. So as I walked up to the cash register to order, there was a long line behind me. The place was busy and loud with noise and chatter everywhere. I got to the register and said, “I’ll take an Italian sandwich, please.” The lady asked, “On what bread?” I panicked a little, but figured it out by picking one that looked closest based on the pictures.
Then she asked, “And what do you want on it?”
I replied, “What do you mean? I want an Italian sandwich.”
She repeated, “No, what do you want on your sandwich?”
I said again that I wanted an Italian sandwich. She asked one more time what I wanted on it. I stood there completely dumbfounded. I had no idea what was on an Italian sandwich. I just know that I eat it. I have never looked at the components of it before; all I know is that it tastes good, and I know I like it. Nowhere in my brain are any of the ingredients. It’s something I’ve never had to think about, and it’s something I usually avoid because I stick to my two safe sandwich places.
I’ve never been to a sandwich shop with a friend before. I’m not someone who has done a lot of things with friends or gone out. I’ve gone out by myself a lot, so after a long time, I created habits of going to the same places. It felt like my safety net. Especially as a hundred-pound, cute little girl in the city, sticking to the familiar makes me feel a lot safer. Over the past years, I’ve developed this bad habit of relying on my routine of comfort, efficiency, and safety, which is why I didn’t know what was on an Italian sandwich.
My friend ended up looking at me like I was crazy and asked if I was serious. The place was so loud I couldn’t think straight. I started panicking and just looked at them, saying, “I don’t know — can you please order for me?” They looked it up on their phone and read off all the ingredients. Not to sound entitled or like a ‘Karen’ or ‘Jennifer but I think the lady at the register should have done that herself. If there isn’t a single button for “Italian sandwich” or a list of ingredients right there on the menu, she could have looked it up on her phone, the same way a bartender figures out a fancy cocktail they don’t know.
Yeah… I felt so dumb. Everyone around me made me feel dumb, including my friend.
This only happens in a good way when I’m getting pulled over, but I cry when I’m stressed, scared, or feeling dumb. Naturally, I started crying right there in this weird sandwich shop that apparently couldn’t just make me an Italian sandwich the easy way.
So, when my boyfriend asked how I liked my eggs and toast in the morning, the same panic hit me. I don’t have this information stored. These aren’t things I’ve ever put in my brain or thought about before. I don’t really go to breakfast places. If I do, I just order something straight off the menu and get my eggs sunny side up. I submit to whatever selections they have.
When he asked me, I had no idea what to say, and I felt so stupid. I tried to cover it up and ended up saying the wrong thing completely. I didn’t realize I had said the wrong thing until he brought me my eggs and toast. That made me feel even dumber. It reminded me that this was the first time someone had ever asked how I wanted my eggs and toast. This vocabulary simply isn’t something my brain has ever had before.
Even though I’m reminded of the learning curve at hand, I will always do my best to learn, to grow. I will keep moving forward and building a beautiful, fulfilling life. I feel so grateful for all these amazing new friends and for my boyfriend, who is incredibly patient and understanding with me.
Some days, though, I’m equally as sad as I am grateful. Especially in the quiet moments, like the first time someone asked me how I like my eggs and toast in the morning.
xo,
Sheridan Guerrette
WhatSheridanSaid.com
Life Behind the Artist: Wed at 9/8C
